I’ve been conducting a poll.
I’ve been asking people to describe 2015 in five words. The sad thing is, the responses have (so far) not been positive. (Feel free to contradict by placing your five words in the comment box). It seems that 2015 was pretty shit. I concur.
Here’s the highs and the lows of 2015 from my perspective.
I know we only went for 3 full days, but it was such a good trip!
It had been on the wanderlust list for a while and, whilst it was completely exhausting, it really was a brilliant holiday. Now I just need to find something to top it in 2016!
It never felt like a chore (nor should it!) but I have really enjoyed writing this blog.
It’s especially satisfying to review it at the end of the year and think of all the things that I did in 2015.
It’s like writing a diary except…you know…really publicly! Also, I now want to learn more about actually building a site. I originally laid this out in a table. WHICH I CODED. But I couldn’t code the width to be equal. Baby steps, people, baby steps.
Changing Jobs- October 2015
Easily the pivot point of 2015. I was doing the most miserable, pointless job until October. I wasn’t learning anything, or shaping/changing anything- and those are things that motivate me. Everyday was just clock-watching. And complaining. It was unbelievably dull, and such a stark juxtaposition from the madness and quick pace of my role in America the year before. (ANYWAY…scroll down to “The Lows” for more on this one)
Changing to a new role in October has hugely improved my attitude, outlook and general mood. My job is really important to me, and not being happy in kind of put a damper on 75% of 2015!
My job kind of polluted everything- so I needed to find a way of being creative and accomplishing something. Undertaking some of the house projects was a big part of this. I love the changes, and how the house is looking.
Although…just read an article on house prices rising 4.5% in December. Maybe 2016 is the year we sell it!?
My Job, January-September 2015
Partly, this makes me sound like a really dull person, but partly it is indicative of how my attitude towards work shapes so much of my life. I never understood it, when people complained about their jobs. I honestly always thought it was a case of people not trying hard enough to make a change or a difference. Anybody who I ever felt that about- I apologise. I now know what it is like to be trapped in a job that you hate and you cannot see a positive way to elevate yourself out of it. I ended up blaming everything: the role, my manager and in the end started to think I was bad at my job. However, now I am outside of it, it is clear that it was a bit of all of it. I allowed myself to be in a bad mood about it, which fuelled the self doubt- it was just awful. Anybody I was rude to or horrible to in 2015, I apologise. This was the likely culprit.
Feedback, Feedback, Feedback, January-September 2015
I hate it. HATE it. And it feels like 2015 was all about being assessed. And receiving feedback. A LOT of feedback. A LOT of feedback from a boss who, looking back, did not know how to motivate me. (I think this is such an important part of managing people. Accuse me of being a millennial, I don’t care.) I guess some of it worked. I used to get a lot of feedback that I lacked self awareness: this year’s end of year review noted that I was extremely self-aware. I guess that’s a good thing. It’s just fucking crushing to hear it all day, everyday! Mix it in with a little positivity, people!!!
75% of this year was shit. And I pined after my old job and life in Chicago. October was the pivot point in more ways than one. I visited Chicago, and lots of stuff clicked. It’s over. Life moved on for 9 months whilst I just wasted mine! It wasn’t the best visit, but it needed to happen!
I made some properly shit choices on who to trust in 2015. I guess when you’re unhappy, you’ll talk to anybody who’ll listen. I’ve use “you’re” and “you’ll”, but it might just be me! It’s taught me so much: I am naive. People are not necessarily fundamentally good. And don’t say anything to anyone outside your closest circle, unless you expect it to be shared! Surely this is shit I should have learned from five years of single sex education!? And, sorry to say it, but women are the WORST for this! Count the people you can trust on your fingers: I genuinely don’t think it is possible to have any more than that. And use common sense. (I can hear my mum telling me this now…she always said I trusted people too much and that most people will just use you!)